Looking ahead - 2013

It's that time of year where we all take stock of the past year.  Reminisce about the good times and resolve to improve ourselves and the world around us in 2013.

I want to do that -- to join in the stock-taking and resolution-making I see and read about everyone around me doing.  So much.

But the past few weeks to the past month have been really hard.  My health has been off.  Way off.  I wish it was something easily fixed or quickly remedied, but that doesn't seem to be the case for now.  Some days are fine.  Some days - like many I have had this week - are far from fine.

Getting back into the swing of things at work only makes me feel worse about everything right now -- so many projects going on for me and no margin for error or any slip ups.  Which is fine, I am sure I can find the strength to get through it and handle it all.  But I just don't want to.  I want to bury my head in the sand at work and just hide.  Ignore emails.  Hope that people forget about things.  Because I am just not connected to my work right now.  AT ALL.  Which, in many ways, is worse than being stressed out or overwhelmed.  I just don't care about it all that much anymore.  I wish I could hit the lottery and not have to come back.  Not in the "take this job and shove it!!" kind of way.  But because I just feel so.....lost.  Not sure of what I am doing or what I should be doing.  Unhappy in my day in and day out.

Some days I feel so very alone in how I am feeling, although I am sure there must be other people out there that feel or have felt the same way.  I hope things get better or at least turn a corner for me, both personally and professionally.  But that just feels so far away right now.

Right now, about all I can do, is try as best I can to take each day as it comes and just hope to do my best.  And hoping like heck I can find better days ahead for myself in 2013.