Please stop the ride, I want to get off.

I feel like I have been through too many (brief) highs and then (very long, very painful) lows lately.  All I want is to get off this roller coaster ride and enjoy some nice, stable ground.  Boring, middle of the road, status quo sounds heavenly right now.

I feel like I am failing at life right now.  At my job (although, through no fault of mine), in my volunteer endeavors, in my personal relationships....just failing at everything.

Work finds new ways to get worse every single week.  To be fair, YES I know it is not a job I can stay in long term, and YES I have been looking.  But anyone who has been in a similar situation can probably agree with me that it does not happen overnight.  And there are sometimes where it makes everything feel that much more stressful.  I'm actually writing this post to just try and cope/feel better about recent news from work.  News that my boss is likely badmouthing my whole group to anyone who feels like listening.  While we are all (or at least most of us) busting serious ass every day.  I got word of that and ...well it was the last little straw.  I just broke down sobbing.  To be fair, I have felt like I needed a good cry for a few weeks now....that was just the thing that pushed me to it.  I just don't even know what I am going to do anymore.  I am supposed to be out all of next week for vacation.  A much-needed vacation, just MVP and me.  And right now, a big part of me feels like I need to cancel it because I will be putting myself in serious professional jeopardy to be out of the office for that amount of time.  I feel so conflicted.  I honestly don't effing know what to do.