Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Take two...

Trying this whole blogging thing one more time - and carrying over some older posts from the old blog to this new one, so bear with me! Blogging was good times for me before and I kind of let it fall by the wayside. I guess by kind of I mean totally dropped it for awhile. So I figured why not give it another go....typing to myself makes me a little less crazy than talking to myself, right?

I would not ever call myself a religious person, but I think I can be spiritual. Or at least know that there is something/one out there looking out for us. A cosmic checks and balances. Karma, kismet and all of that.

So I hit a rough patch a few months ago, things got very hard for me. Too much stress at my job and work days that ran late into the evening can leave you with a depleted sense of self -- like I don't know who I am outside of the confines of my office. And I don't even really like the person I am while I am there. I had made attempts to set up plans with the friends I still have in the area. Often those calls or emails go unanswered. Sometimes I can't make good on plans that I do end up making because I tend to get stuck working so late. These situations can get can get a girl feeling really low, blue and alone.

And the universe can sense those sort of things -- like when my snazzy coffeemaker blinks to tell me it needs water. I was blinking, big time.
I have been able to reconnect with some old girlfriends recently on Facebook and it has been gratifying beyond words. People I have not talked to let alone seen in years and years. And the resounding recurring theme is that I have truly been able to talk to them like no time has passed. It's wonderful for two big reasons for me.

1. I have laughed more than I don't know when. And god how I have needed to laugh like that. The good laugh til you cry kind of laughing. Some of these friends I feel like I can literally hear them talking to me through the email and all of the sudden I remember all their personality quirks and sayings. We are back to sharing old inside jokes that I had forgotten but somehow, some small part of me remembers and recalls it immediately. Wonderful big laugh with your whole body kind of laughs that are better than any drug, drink, food, sex......well maybe not better than ALL of that, but you know what I mean. Really freaking good.

2. I have has some periods of feeling kind badly about myself lately. I think it can be attributed to a combination of the people I work with and the people I am around in my outside of work life. All of them are often in agreement though -- they like to bully and belittle me. Unprovoked, usually no good reason. Apparently picking on me is something you might be able to medal in in 2012 and they are all trying to make the US squad. Let me tell you, there is some stiff competition out there and they are all united in a common goal -- making me feel like I should be sorry for even having the nerve to leave my bedroom every morning. But these dear old friends...well their emails and conversations have made me feel validated. Like nope, I am not total crap. Maybe that might sound totally far fetched or maybe it sounds like I need to spend some time watching Oprah and getting in touch with my feelings. I know receiving some emails from old friends might not sound like much, but it means a lot. It has literally given me the strength to keep pushing through on some really tough days.

A combination of the brain and the heart recalls all the subtle nuances of the wonderful people and the beautiful friendships I had long ago and that maybe never really went away. Maybe you can truly save some friendships for a rainy now. Boomerang friendships -- cast out or aside for so many reasons, but they find their way back. One person was cruel when it may have been that they just had some growing up to do and needed the time and space to do it. You might have just drifted apart because one moved to a new city or another got married. You may have had hurt feelings that you weren't ready to forgive. Maybe you may have put other friendships first that turned out to be the wrong ones to devote your time and energy to. No matter the reason, they were friendships that got cast out or faded out and they have now beautifully bounced back into your present.

When the universe could sense I was really low and down on my brought back some people who I hope with all my heart will stay around for many years to come. We have lots of catching up to do and new memories to make. That, and I also have blackmail pictures that I am sure they don't want their coworkers, kids or husbands to see.

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