Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Just one of those days...er, weeks? Maybe months?

Have you ever had a day where it just seems like no matter how hard you try, you can't get things right?  No matter how much you think things through, or try to be pleasing or accommodating....you just fall short.  Over and over.  And you pick yourself off and dust yourself off and all of that and keep going.

And fall short all over again.
And again, and again.

I've been going through a period lately where I just don' feel like I can catch a break.  Yes, work is a part of it, but to be honest it is more than that at times too.  Maybe that's what makes it all feel a little more worrisome or stressful.

I feel like I am losing at everything.

I know I have figured if I keep moving forward, keep trying, keep pushing, eventually it is bound to turn around.  Has to.  Got to.

But I am finding myself today just feeling like a person trying to fit in somewhere, ANYwhere, really.  To feel like I can be myself and that is ok, no matter if that person may be having a really good day or a really bad day.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Thoughts on Thursday

Because I just need to take a little break and mentally dump out and get rid of things that are weighing too heavy on me right now.

Work has gotten back to a really bad place for me.  It's often feeling so bad that I don't know if I see a light at the end of the tunnel.  If anything, my only reprieve may be a bearable day or two here and there, but the majority of days being not good. 

I could deal with the frustration or the hardship a little better if it wasn't every day....or if it just meant longer hours.  But really, the situation has gotten to a point where I feel unable to do my job well.  I would really like to come in here each day, try my hardest, get some things done, treat others kindly and with respect, and wrap up at the end of the day and go home. 

Instead I find myself tensing up as I get closer to the office in the mornings, running around like crazy, not getting help or guidance, colleagues who don't play fair (or just leave me out of the loop entirely) and I leave each day feeling like I have been beaten up.  And I feel like I have little actual work done for the day and nothing to show for all my efforts. 

I can't talk to MVP about it because it stresses him out and that, in turn, makes the whole situation worse for me.  Right now I feel really alone.  Alone in my office all day, alone on a ledge (so to speak) on most of my projects, alone on figuring things out.  Just alone. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Thoughts on Thursday

These are random and all over the place....kind of how I feel today.

1. The best part about getting up early and working out before work, is that I feel like no matter WHAT happens at work today, at least i can say I accomplished something.  Even if that something was completely unrelated to work.

2.  I am on the ledge thinking of buying some cowboy boots.  I don't know why....only that I feel like I need them in my life and in my closet.  Even if it is just to gaze upon them.  What do you think?

3.  I think wearing a nice, bright new necklace to work today has really done wonders for my mood.  I have been so charming and friendly in meetings today I am even starting to get annoyed with myself.  

4.  I brought these cupcakes to work today and served them at a morning meeting.  call me crazy, but I think meetings are much less painful when I bring treats.  And yes, these cupcakes were Pinterest-inspired.  Can you tell they were an Olympics-theme, or was it too much of a stretch?
5.  My new Erin Condren life planner FINALLY arrived (after MAJOR nightmares with Fed Ex...and then they had done my planner in the wrong color...#whitegirlproblems)  and I instantly felt more at ease with my life.  I don't even care if that's weird.  I am looking forward to breaking out my colored pens and going to town with it sometime this weekend.

6.  We are getting a new piece of furniture delivered and it is all I can seem to think about.  I just want it to be delivered, assembled (that'll be an MVP project) and then I can set about filling the shelves of it and trying to de-clutter a bit.  Heaven.

7.  I am in some sort of home deco-nesting phase because I also managed to talk MVP into a Saturday trip to Ikea and.......HOBBY LOBBY!!  I have never been to a Hobby Lobby.  I never even saw the outside of one until a few months ago.  I honestly thought it was some mythical thing that other people talked about, but I wasn't really *sure* that it actually existed.

8.  I think I was only mostly able to talk MVP into this trip b/c I mentioned cinnamon rolls at Ikea and stops at both Wawa and Rita's.

9.  Friends With Kids was very good....although I don't know that I am totally on board with the ending.  has anyone else seen it?

10.  Dark Knight Rises was....whoah.  So good.  But I had such an on edge feeling being in a theater and watching that movie after the tragedy in Colorado.  I had even read the exact part of the movie when everything happened and found myself tearing up then and feeling really upset and overwhelmed. 
11.  Switching gears and lightening the mood....I have no idea who 85% of the contestants are on this season of "Bachelor Pad" yet I am watching it anyway.

12.  Um....do any of you know about Snickers ice cream minis?  They are ridiculous.  A little bar is a perfect size for a sweet ice cream treat craving and only 90 calories.  I have issues with portion control -- if you give me that little treat, I will eat it and feel happy and satieated.  If you give me a half gallon of ice cream and a scoop, I will likely scoop myself a way-too-generous serving, eat it all, feel happy for a second and then overcome with malaise and guilt.