This weekend, my mom and Coach are coming to visit. And also, to meet MVP. And I wasn't stressed about it at all a few weeks ago. Even earlier this week, it was just another item on my checklist for this week. I wasn't stressed about it AT ALL. That is, until I realized this was actually happening and then I started actually freaking out about it.
I am amazingly good with talking about things that are in the future or just hypotheticals. But yesterday it sort of all hit me at once that this is, in fact, happening. This all got really real, really quick.
To be fair, I brought this all on myself. This wasn't something my parents were forcing on me; I'm the one who brought it up and suggested this weekend would work best because the Phillies would be playing down here in DC. They probably would have wanted to visit then anyway, so why not kill two birds with one stone? My parents do not ever talk to me about guys or dating. They have only ever met one boyfriend and maybe even only knew of one other's existence. I may have mentioned before, I am a super private person when it comes to this sort of stuff, even in talking to my close friends and, in this case, my family. Hell, my mom even had one talk with me when I was in high school about how her and my dad "would love me no matter what...and not matter who I loved..." Because she thought my lack of talking to her about boys probably meant I was a lesbian. Awesome to know your parents will support you no matter what. A kick in the pants for them to think you aren't dating boys because you're gay.
Anywhoozle, they will be here tomorrow and will meet MVP. And I am super confident they will really like him. And I have already briefed him on some things to talk about/avoid talking about and warned him that my mom has likely brought some sort of gift for him. That's how she rolls. For my friends IRL who get random presents from me, now you know why -- it's likely genetic.
I started freaking out a little trying to work out the timeline for the weekend - what we would be doing when, and all of that - in an effort to eliminate any of the standing around figuring out what to do next. I hate that enough when it is just me and my parents, I don't want MVP to suffer through them as well.
But then I started freaking out a lot because everything starting feeling really REAL at this point. Like yes, this is happening and there is no turning back. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to turn back. I am happier than I could have hoped with MVP and where things are going with us. But as he keeps passing these hurdles -- meeting my friends and meeting my family -- my mind wanders sometimes to how many people I would have to notify if things with me and MVP didn't work out.
THAT FEAR is often what has prevented me from mixing a guy in with my friends/family/personal life. There's less mess to clean up when it doesn't work out. No one needs to know about a failed relationship. No one needs to feel bad for me or offer me words of encouragement. I compartmentalized that part of my life really well. And maybe that's why it didn't often work out too well, who knows.
What I do know is this - for a really long time in my life, I stopped myself from doing things because of what would happen if they didn't work out. This time I am doing something because of how wonderfully it could turn out. This is such a new concept and process for me that sometimes it gets a bit scary. And I can get really stressed.
You know, like now...when I am sitting here on a verge of a "meet the parents" weekend and I'm working my stomach into knots.
I know it will all be great, but if anyone has some words of advice or encouragement or generally wants to talk be down off the stress-ledge, I'm all ears....