Thursday, January 3, 2013
Looking ahead - 2013
I want to do that -- to join in the stock-taking and resolution-making I see and read about everyone around me doing. So much.
But the past few weeks to the past month have been really hard. My health has been off. Way off. I wish it was something easily fixed or quickly remedied, but that doesn't seem to be the case for now. Some days are fine. Some days - like many I have had this week - are far from fine.
Getting back into the swing of things at work only makes me feel worse about everything right now -- so many projects going on for me and no margin for error or any slip ups. Which is fine, I am sure I can find the strength to get through it and handle it all. But I just don't want to. I want to bury my head in the sand at work and just hide. Ignore emails. Hope that people forget about things. Because I am just not connected to my work right now. AT ALL. Which, in many ways, is worse than being stressed out or overwhelmed. I just don't care about it all that much anymore. I wish I could hit the lottery and not have to come back. Not in the "take this job and shove it!!" kind of way. But because I just feel so.....lost. Not sure of what I am doing or what I should be doing. Unhappy in my day in and day out.
Some days I feel so very alone in how I am feeling, although I am sure there must be other people out there that feel or have felt the same way. I hope things get better or at least turn a corner for me, both personally and professionally. But that just feels so far away right now.
Right now, about all I can do, is try as best I can to take each day as it comes and just hope to do my best. And hoping like heck I can find better days ahead for myself in 2013.