I am in the process of evaluating my time on the board, and deciding what (if any) position I would like to move to. 3+ years of advising Membership Recruitment has be burnt out and worn out. In having a conversation about potentially taking over as chair of the board, a theme came up again and again. I don't have kids. I don't have a husband. Apparently my lack of those two things equates to me having nothing at all do do with my time and no life, therefore I have more than enough time to give to the board and the chapter.
While I have gotten frustrated by this sort of thing before, I think it now has me reaching my boiling point.
Can we all just cut the crap, ladies? Can we stop comparing ourselves and our lives to others while silently judging and measuring one another up? It accomplishes NOTHING. Hell, even if I DID have a husband and/or kids, that doesn't mean that my life or my circumstances would be identical to another wife or mother.
And just as it is wildly inappropriate to ask a married couple when they plan to start having kids (maybe they aren't....maybe they are trying and haven't been successful....maybe it isn't ANYONE ELSE'S Business) it is intrusive and quite RUDE to ask someone in a relationship when they think they will be getting married. While I know this topic always seems to come up around the holidays or other large family gatherings, and then again as a popular question to couples at weddings, I have been asked about this more times than I care to count in the past month or so.
When thinking whether I was going to continue with the board, I was asked (and on more than one occasion and by more than one person) if I was considering taking a step back because I was getting married. And one person who said it made it sound as if my getting married was the equivalent to being declared cured of cancer by a doctor. I was so offended I flat out told the woman it really was none of her business and walked away.
What if I don't get married....does that make me some sort of societal leper? Should people talk about me as if I were terminally ill or lost a limb?
What if I do get married....does that make me a better person? Does that entitle me to better treatment at work or by peers and friends?
Anyone else have a similar experience? While I hope it isn't just me, I also hate to think that this kind of inconsideration and intrusiveness is commonplace.