Monday, August 30, 2010

Melancholy Monday

So I am headed home from vacation and have been trying to kill the 4 hours of my layover...thanks free wifi for helping me pass this time a little more quickly. I know most people get that fleeting wash of melancholy when a vacation finally comes to an end. But I have found in the past couple years I get more than melancholy. I get flat out sad. Like I would like to walk up to one of these other gates and get on another plane headed anywhere but back home.

For the past few years, where I have lived hasn't really felt like "home" to me. It's been so long since I found myself looking forward to getting back to where I live. I think that's because that is all it feels like to me now, a place where I live.

Don't get me wrong, DC is a great city. There's lots to do and see and all of that. And I know there are people that love being there. Some people love it a little TOO much for my tastes, but that's another posting all together. I don't get wistful to see cherry blossoms blooming around the Tidal Basin. I don't get all lit up inside to go see the national Christmas Tree. Sometimes I think I only like the views of DC that I see from my window seat on the plane. And I like the one leaving a hell of a lot more than the one I see coming back. The one that I will see in another 7 hours or so.

I know one of the biggest reasons I applied for the job I have now is that I thought it might be able to be based out of one of the firms OTHER offices. But they decided they needed someone to be in the DC office and I was already there in DC so, that's how that all worked out. And as I have written before I took it because I couldn't bear to be at my other firm for very much longer.

I just find myself feeling more and more conflicted and can't tell if I am stuck in (one hell of) a rut that I will eventually get myself out of or if this gnawing feeling I get, this sad sickness in my stomach as I think about heading back there, is something I need to pay more attention to.

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