Yes, I am alive!

I've gotten juuuuuust a few emails and messages over the last couple days about my lack of posting on here. Sorry bout that folks! Things have been a bit busy and I have also been enjoying a little time off from work. Much needed time off from work or I was really going to have a meltdown.

I had to head up to PA earlier than I had planned to drive up for Thanksgiving. Sadly, my Godmother (who I had mentioned in this previous post) passed away and her funeral was last Monday. While it was a sad occasion, the service was filled with so much joy and music. I want to write about it because it really was a touching day and a great tribute to the wonderful person she was, I just haven't had it in me to write it out yet.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving up in PA and even a Saturday evening in NJ with one of my best friends from college...but it was a good feeling to come back to VA and my apartment. And then there have also been more dates with this guy (no, not Fist Bump, the guy at the end of the posting)

Just as I was getting used to feeling like a human being again...one that isn't inundated with work emails and wincing at the red light blinking on my blackberry, I had to come BACK to work today and I have literally felt the waves of stress crash down over me all again. I am even taking this small mental break now to write this because I have no idea what time I am going to leave my office tonight.

So please bear with me as I struggle to find some semblance of "back to normal" and can get back in a good routine of posting again.

I hope everyone out there had a wonderful Thanksgiving (and came back to a happier office than I seem to have returned to!)

Melancholy Monday

So I am headed home from vacation and have been trying to kill the 4 hours of my layover...thanks free wifi for helping me pass this time a little more quickly. I know most people get that fleeting wash of melancholy when a vacation finally comes to an end. But I have found in the past couple years I get more than melancholy. I get flat out sad. Like I would like to walk up to one of these other gates and get on another plane headed anywhere but back home.

For the past few years, where I have lived hasn't really felt like "home" to me. It's been so long since I found myself looking forward to getting back to where I live. I think that's because that is all it feels like to me now, a place where I live.

Don't get me wrong, DC is a great city. There's lots to do and see and all of that. And I know there are people that love being there. Some people love it a little TOO much for my tastes, but that's another posting all together. I don't get wistful to see cherry blossoms blooming around the Tidal Basin. I don't get all lit up inside to go see the national Christmas Tree. Sometimes I think I only like the views of DC that I see from my window seat on the plane. And I like the one leaving a hell of a lot more than the one I see coming back. The one that I will see in another 7 hours or so.

I know one of the biggest reasons I applied for the job I have now is that I thought it might be able to be based out of one of the firms OTHER offices. But they decided they needed someone to be in the DC office and I was already there in DC so, that's how that all worked out. And as I have written before I took it because I couldn't bear to be at my other firm for very much longer.

I just find myself feeling more and more conflicted and can't tell if I am stuck in (one hell of) a rut that I will eventually get myself out of or if this gnawing feeling I get, this sad sickness in my stomach as I think about heading back there, is something I need to pay more attention to.