Friday, May 27, 2011

Please get yourselves together, DC

Today I did something I basically never do...I left the office for lunch! I was originally out for a quick CVS trip when I happened to notice a new place called Zoup, a shop guessed it, soup. Well, along with salads and sandwiches too. And you may be thinking that it's unseasonably warm outside and why in the heck would anyone want to eat soup? Well, because I am still battling this freaking cold, and as HOT as it has been this week, I have found myself basically living off of soup.

Anywhoozle, I thought "What the heck? I will treat myself and sit down for lunch somewhere other than my desk and just enjoy a leisurely lunch."

While the lunch was quite tasty, what was even more savory was the people watching. It was top notch. And for those that know me, you know that my "top notch people watching" means it was a sh*tshow.

I have no idea what it is about the first string of truly WARM weather days that makes people lose all common sense. And in many cases, that common sense goes out the window right along with their basic senses of decency and good taste.

A few notes from my observations today. I am not saying these are exclusive to DC, mind you. I am just saying they are tragic and horrific and need to go.

Tank tops that have a "shelf bra"
For those under the age of 12-13 or those women rocking an A-cup, you should be good to go. Everyone else? YOU NEED TO WEAR A BRA TOO. Seriously. I saw large women with large bosoms out today with nothing holding them back but a flipping shelf bra. I don't know if they were lazy or mistakenly thought it looked sexy. It looked borderling dangerous and just sexy enough to turn a straight man gay.

Undergarments as a form of expression
Fine if you are with your S.O. in the bedroom (or wherever else the mood may strike you in the privacy of your own home/apartment/hotel room) NOT FINE if you are out and about in public. No one needs to see your hot purple cheetah print bra hanging out from your tank top. Same goes for wearing a bright red bra under a white shirt. It's tacky and trashy and not a "look" that anyone should be going for in their day-to-day. Leave those bold fashion maneuvers to the Rihannas and Gagas of the world. Trust me, YOU are not pulling it off. In the case of Miss Winehouse...her bra straps sticking out are likely the least of her worries. I am amazed I found a picture where she not only has her eyes open, but is also standing upright and not flipping anyone off.

Undergarments that FIT
We have come so, SO far in our choices - thong, boyshort, Spanx, you name it. Amazingly all of these choices come in an array of sizes, so please, PLEASE, buy the size that fits you, m'kay? It's one thing to have a visible panty line (VPL) -- not okay, but maybe you got dressed in a rush that morning, it happens. But it is a completely other(worse) thing for your underwear to look like it may be cutting off circulation to your legs. Aside from looking horrendous, how in the world is that comfortable?!?!

Can you feel the sidewalk when you are wearing sandals?
You can? Guess what, that means your shoes are too damn small. Toes are meant to rest along the top of the footbed of your sandal or flip flop. Your toes should not curl over the edges like talons and touch the ground. Same goes for your heels -- if they hang off the back of your shoe and drag across the ground? You need a bigger pair of shoes.

Speaking of feet...
It's time ladies. Get a freaking pedicure. There are nail shops everywhere and most will run you about $25 for a pedicure. Treat yourself. Hell treat ME because I don't want to look at your nasty, gnarly feet and I am pretty sure no one else does either. And if I may say so? A "french pedicure" with white tips has to be one of the dumbest looking things I can think of. Seriously....why? Who came up with this?

Now don't go thinking I am judging without taking notes better believe my butt will find its way into a pedicure chair this weekend. My feet are starting to look like I perfrom manual labor for 12 hours a day sans-shoes, it ain't pretty. I'm thinking I will kick off this holiday weekend and unofficial start of summer with some Essie Watermelon

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend...and steer clear of these tragic fashion mishaps!


  1. This is hilaaaaaarious. Especially the circulation cutting thongs. GROSS ME OUT! Why the hell would anyone do that? Ugh.

  2. I was on campus today and I saw a girl (an undergrad, I assume) wearing a green/yellow tube top with a black bra. How did I know she was wearing a black bra? Because it wasn't a strapless bra. Yes, she was wearing a tube top with a regular bra, black straps and all. I wanted to get out of my car and shake her. Where are Stacy & Clinton from What Not to Wear when you need them??

  3. You have hit the nail on the head, my friend! I agree with all of these. I never understand women who can wear sandals without painting their toes... Ick.

  4. This is great! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who wonders if people don't posses mirrors. As for VPLs, it drives me insane when women wear leggings with super clingy tops or tops that don't cover their butts thus giving everyone a clear view the style of underwear they prefer.

  5. I think this could be nationwide, not just DC. There's a music festival in my town right now, and there are some TOP NOTCH "fashionistas" milling about downtown, many of whom are committing multiple violations of your list at once.

  6. I love this bra!! It fits snug And hugs all curves. Looks good under white shirts, and is not padded. I like bali wirefree bra