I am not one for boasting....or really even toasting my accomplishments, no matter how big or small they may be. But I wanted to take a quick minute to do it here (and not really a coincidence that I am doing it on the Saturday of a holiday weekend...when likely no one will see it!) I just feel silly, but had a very happy, *hooray* moment and wanted to share it.
Last weekend, I FINALLY lugged my boxes of summer clothes and shoes up from storage. They have been sitting in the living room all week, with me mostly feeling too tired and weary from this stupid cold to go about unpacking them. It's a chore on my list for this weekend, and I just took the lid off one box, to peek at what was inside.
I pulled out some shorts and cropped pants....some of which still have the tags on them from when I bought them years ago. Oh yes, that isn't a typo. YEARS. When I was smaller.
And giving those smaller sizes away felt like defeat. Felt like admitting I had lost, or given up. So I have held on to them. Not all of my smaller clothes, mind you. About two years ago I purged BAGS AND BAGS of smaller sized clothing. I remember crying a little and feeling like such a fool for keeping them in boxes for as long as I had. Making the effort to haul them along with me every time I moved to a new house or apartment.
But some things remained. Like this pair of grass green pants I pulled out of the box today. Now, these had no tags on them. I can actually remember the last time I wore them -- to a summer wine festival. FOUR YEARS AGO. No, I am so not kidding you.
"What the hell," I thought, "I already feel like crap from this cold, can't feel too much worse." Treating my living room like the communal dressing room at Loehmann's, I dropped trow and speedily tried on the green pants.
And then slid up. And they zipped with ease. And they buttoned.
And I could breathe...I could sit...I could squat...I imagine I could do high kicks.
And I simply cannot believe it.
I mean, I can understand it. I have been slow and steady with trying to shed some weight since I got to a really dark and unhappy place with my weight last summer. But when I put on those pants that I hadn't been able to wear in years...well I wish I could bottle that feeling and sell it, because I'd be rich for sure.
I am not at my "goal weight", although truth be told, sometimes I think having a number in mind is almost setting myself up to be disappointed. But putting those pants on today, I felt a real sense of accomplishment. And hopefully tapped into a reserve inside of me that will help me keep pushing myself. Cause even though I am not "quite there" yet, I sure have come quite a ways.