What a freaking sappy, Oprah-y, wussy title, right? I know, I cringed a little too. But I am in a bit of a funk today and just feel kind of off. Out of it. BLAH.
Maybe it's this Irene situation and not really knowing if it's just going to be a minor annoyance here in the DC area or power-out, full-blown clusterf&ck.
Maybe it's the whole company I just started working for last month announcing it was being sold yesterday thingamajig. We have a huge company-wide meeting about it on Monday morning and hopefully that may help either calm my nerves or confirm my fears. I'm going back and forth between feeling "maybe this will be a not-so-bad thing and I will get to keep this here job" and then feeling all "FML I am going to go from gainfully employed to on the streets in like 6 weeks. Because of this horrible choice I made. Maybe I should have stayed at the firm?!?" It is getting to be downright exhausting going back and forth between those two emotions. Maybe Monday's meeting will at least help me to pick a side and move on from there.
Maybe it's that I realized today that I have exactly one month until my Birthday. And with the exception of last year's weekend full of festivities and fun, I really really hate my birthday. I'm having all kinds of feelings lately about being older but not feeling like a grown up. And not in a "I'm so young at heart" kind of way. More in a "If I died tomorrow all I may leave behind is a bunch of nice purses" kind of way.
Maybe it's that I feel like I am not doing what I wanted to do with this here little blog. For a good long while there I was passionate about this little space of the interwebs that I got to call my own. I constantly thought about things I could write about and felt good about pursuing a creative endeavor. But I really do feel like I've lost my writing mojo. Or at the very least, really misplaced it. I went all the way to San Diego to try and find it and I often feel like what I got out of being there was realizing how far behind I am in so very many ways. And also that I need to have a kid to be seriously socially relevant in the blogoshpere. Not fair, but very very true.
SO right now I am just all those sorts of BLAH feelings. And I'm thinking being holed up for two days while it rains outside with nothing to do but think about my thoughts is going to either cure me of this, or make me certifiably crazy. Let's hope for the former!!!