As seems to be the norm in my day-to-day lately, I am just a little behind on things. Better late than never?
I don't really know where I stand on Valentine's Day. It's nice to have one day specially set aside to let those you love know how much you care. But there is also the intense pressure to get the right card, pick out a meaningful gift, have the romantic dinner. FWIW, I started giving MVP gifts as they arrived in the mail (I am notoriously HORRIBLE with waiting to give gifts...and this also saved me the trouble of wrapping them) and last night we had a nice dinner at home and watched Nashville and The Americans. Tres romantique, non?
But I found myself reflecting a bit yesterday and last night, and still this morning. I've gone two years since the worst valentine's day ever. Still not a story I can share on the blog, but take me out for dinner and give me a few glasses of wine and I am sure I would have you doubled over laughing over it.
The last two Valentine's have been spent with MVP, and that's amazing. I am thankful every day for him and his love and support, and feel lucky that I can call him my best friend. But I don't feel 110% comfortable saying that everything is sunshine and lollipops and that my life is better. Because to say that, would mean the 30+ years lived until meeting him were worse or bad. And I don't agree with that statement. Things were different.
Life then had different obstacles and challenges. Different joys and celebrations. Different social life and different people in it. Wasn't better....wasn't worse.
I think I struggle with the notion that once you find the right guy (or girl, whatevs), that everything will just click into place. Maybe that is true for some, I'm not one to judge. But I just can't get on board with it.
Being with MVP is wonderful, just want to make that clear. But at times it has not been easy. Especially in the last (now almost) year of living together some times it has been flat out hard. Sometimes we argue about difficult things. Most times we argue about stupid stuff (as in I will kick you in the shins if you put that dirty glass into the sink and not straight into the dishwasher). Some days I am excited to go home and spend the evening with him. Some days, I want to go home and just be by myself.
As far as I am concerned (because I honestly don't know any better) these are all feelings that are totally normal. I think it's hard in this very over-sharing kind of world to be oblivious to everyone else's relationships and not let them occasionally make you think about your own. Yesterday was the perfect case for that. If an over-the-top Facebook status update about how much the man/woman in your life means to you is how you see fit to celebrate the emotion or the occasion, I shouldn't judge. For the record, I give everyone a free pass on Valentine's Day, but the couples who OVERshare ALL the time.....yes, I am judging. Maybe that makes me a horrible person, but so be it.
I guess the long and short of this meandering post is.....I don't think I am a better person because I am part of a couple. Yes, at times it makes my life a bit more meaningful. Or in my case, easier when I can't reach something on a high self or need a picture hung. My life is certainly different today than it was 3 years ago. But there are still struggles and challenges. That's just life, right?
Please tell me I'm right.....