I have almost always been able to maintain some sort of friendly relationship with guys I have dated after the dating part has ended. Now, how successfully that happens usually depends on the number of dates and/or length and seriousness of the relationship for sure. But on the whole, there is really only 1 (ok maybe 2) that I just really never wanted to speak to again. To be fair, I am not saying that is a good thing or a bad thing. And I sure as heck am not saying it is normal. It is just how things have always worked for me.
But every now and again I have some interesting experience with a guy from my past that makes me rethink my pretty liberal “we can still be friends” policy. IM is just that sort of person and I had just that kind of experience recently.
IM and I dated for a few months. Nothing super serious, but there was a small amount of time and interest invested. Things did not end very well (more on his end than mine) but that was about 2 years ago. Until he randomly got back in touch with me this past February. I received a LinkedIn Request from him to which I responded “Are you joking?” He then wrote me an email explaining how he had signed up for the site and accidentally emailed all his contacts with a request to connect. Whatever, honest mistake, could happen to anyone.
Then he writes me again saying he has always felt badly about how he handled things with us and wanted to apologize. I immediately thought he was either (a) dying or (b) on whichever of the 12 steps it is that requires you to make amends with people you have wronged. Apparently it was (c) neither and he was just genuinely really sorry and wanted to apologize.
That’s fine, no worries, apology accepted. He emails every now and again over the following months, nothing really major, just friendly banter. Then the emails took a turn for the “I was driving in your old neighborhood and was thinking we should get together sometime.” Um…well that made me a little bit leery but again, I will usually give people the benefit of the doubt.
We eventually meet up for a drink recently – nice enough time, a lot of laughs and generally good to catch up. I had come straight from work by Metro, so he offered to give me a ride home. As we pull up in front of my apartment he says “so do you wanna do it upstairs or I have a blanket in the backseat?” I had a momentary look of “UM…WTF?!?!” (because again I have NO pokerface outside of the game of poker) and he laughed so I just thought to myself “oh WHEW, thank god he was joking”
But then he points at my chest and says with no hint of humor, “Seriously, were they always that big? Cause I hadn’t remembered them being that big.”
So. Very. Classy.
I just wished him a good night, got out of that car and went upstairs thinking “This kind of sh*t seriously only happens to me.” Then, about two weeks ago, I get a text from him at 10 pm on a Monday night “Hey what r u up to?”
I didn’t respond. I get a gchat message from him the next day “Too good to answer my text? I was in the mood to make some questionable decisions last night.”
Ok seriously…enough. I have learned my lesson and it’s clear you cannot be friends with everyone. Hopefully he will fade away again and go bother some other girl with his inability to keep his Inner Monologue to himself.
It might not shock you that I probably won’t be keeping in touch with IM. Or IN. Or F. But some of the people you may read about in Tales From The Trenches, well yeah, we do still keep in touch. And oh boy I hope they don’t ever find this blog.