Since it sort-of worked when I just put out an open letter to the universe asking for what I want, I'm thinking maybe I should try it again. I say sort-of because part of what I got was the current work situation I am in which, if you havne't been keeping up with me lately, well, it leaves a little something to be desired.
So here goes nothing.
First, I want to thank you for listening to me months ago and stepping in and making hings happen. It truly was one of the clearest times in recent memory where I felt like things were turning around for me and everything really could have a happy ending. It was the bestest feeling around. I wish I could have bottled it and saved it for now. Because now, I feel so far removed from that elated feeling that I can't even believe I had it just a few short months ago.
Perhaps I should have clarified or been more exact. My bad, Universe.
I thought the door was closing at the law firm and a window was opening here at a new job. Right now I feel like I fell out a window on the top of a tall building and got hit by every window ledge, fire escape and flagpole on the long fall down.
I'm sitting here on the pavement feeling like a banged up mess. I realize I can't undo all of this. I think it would be great if I coudl take a Mulligan right about now, but I realize that is not possible. I just need to feel better. About this job. About this choice I made.
I wanted to feel connected, to feel engaged, to feel like progress was possible. I am fine with there being a learning curve and a certain amount of ramping up time. But I don't know how ok I will be with feeling this clueless and helpless for a whole lot longer.
I need some help, universe. A roadmap, a sign, a direction. Hell, I'd settle for a little itty bitty nightlight at this point so I just didn't feel like I was totally in the dark.
I'm feeling really desperate, Universe. I don't know the last time I felt this down-to-my-ore scared. Please help. Sooner rather than later, if possible.
In the meantime, thanks for throwing me some bones with very nice readers and bloggy friends who leave me kind comments, send me virtual hugs, and write me emails that make me cry (in a good way) to let me know that even though I feel all alone in this moment and in this situation, that I have people out there hoping for me. And hoping for me extra at some points in time, when I am too tired or distraught to hope for myself any more.
Thanks in advance for your swift attention to this matter.
PS -- While it didn't clear up the dark cloud looming over me as I had hoped it might, I DO appreciate you lifting away the gloomy gray rain that was a constant presence here in DC. At least now I don't have to get pummelled by people's oversized umbrellas all day long. Good looking out, Universe.