Wednesday, May 1, 2013

And miles to go before I sleep....

Anyone know that feeling?  When the woods are so lovely, dark and deep.....but you have promises to keep and miles to go before you sleep.

I feel like that's the new normal in my life.

Sleep is something I have been craving.  Can feel how much I need it deep in my bones.  But it never seems to come and stay for very long.  This past weekend, up before 7 both days, even though there were late late nights.  This morning I was up at 4:30.  And it's nearing 11pm now....and all I want to do is shut my eyes and sleep.  I feel that -- almost truly wish that -- I could sleep for days.  Maybe sleepcation is the new staycation?

My mind is too full.  I feel like the little hamster is running a marathon on that wheel, and I just cant turn my brain off.  I had a moment yesterday where I just wanted to throw my hands up in the air and cry out for help.  From who, I don't really know.  But I had this overwhelming feeling of being...small. Incapable of doing everything that needed to be done.

Sometimes I will just use my extra awake time to watch Netflix.  Sometimes, like this morning, I will just get up and make the best use of time that I can.  Who doesn't love getting loads of laundry and dishes done and put away before even getting in the shower, right?

I want to just turn my mind off.  I wish there was a switch.  I'd love to have my own Freaky Friday and just switch places with someone, completely and totally.  Because as much as I need a vacation from my miserable job and a break from uppity, craptastic DC....I really feel like I want a vacation from me.  From worrying.  From feeling so much stress.  From trying so hard to do too much.  From trying to be everything I can to everyone.  From caring what anyone thinks.

All of it.

That's where I want to put my head down at night.  A place that is free from all that junk.  Where I can rest both my body and my mind.  Where sleep feels good because I am not already afraid of what might be around the corner tomorrow.  Where I savor my rest because it was earned by a day of living, and loving and laughing.

Must. Find. That. Place.


  1. 430am? oh goodness that is early! Sometimes I wonder how it is that I got to be this age and place in life(and not with amazement either)! I'm so sorry working is sucking so much and sucking the life out of you, I can totally identify with your struggles. Hopefully going on your vacation soon will help recharge.

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