Clean Apartment = Clear Mind

Whenever I feel like I am in a funk, or I just need to get a new vibe going, there are a few things that will help me out without fail.

• Cleaning
• Organizing
• Sprucing up the apartment

I am still in the process of cleaning up and re-organizing around the apartment.  Between getting ready for the holidays, traveling, and then returning after the holidays, the apartment was a total disaster.  MVP and I never quite see eye to eye on this sort of thing.  He's fine to let things go for a few days...just keep looking for what you may need back in your suitcase...wait until the weekend to take the decorations down and put them away.

Me?  Not so much.  I want to unpack and put things away immediately.  I can't wait until the morning to take out the trash if I know the garbage is full.  Pack up those Christmas decorations and put them away well before the ball drops on New Year's Eve.

But something I have found we DO tend to be on the same page about is sprucing up the apartment.

After getting TWO new large kitchen appliances for Christmas, I was going to do some shuffling and rearranging to find a place for everything.  Sometime over the summer, I had bought a buffet/cabinet for the dining room to give me some additional storage for things we didn't need daily, but still wanted quick access to.  MVP was thrilled to assemble that piece of furniture.  Kidding.  He wasn't a big fan of mine after he spent half a day on that project.

All of my cookbooks and food-related books were in that cabinet.  They needed someplace else to call home.....but where to put them.....

This sounds like, A VERY GOOD REASON TO GO TO IKEA!!!  Really ANY reason is a good reason to go to Ikea in my book, but that's just me.

Yes, those are our Mickey ears from Disney with our names embroidered on them.  The top shelf just looked a little naked, so the dang Mickey ears are living there until I can find something better.

We ended up with this red bookshelf.  I love that it is a nice accent color, and something a little different, but still not too "out there."  It also fit neatly back in a corner, so it wasn't really taking up any additional space, just fit neatly into space we weren't using.

A trip to Target the following day (Ikea AND Target in the same weekend?!?!  Living the dream, that's me!) had me absolutely ecstatic.  I had been thinking for awhile how I would love a nice serving tray to put on top of the ottoman in the living room.  Sturdy enough that you could rest a drink on it if you wanted.  And don't you know I found a perfect red one....on CLEARANCE!

Can you tell that red is a favorite accent color?

During that same trip to Target I ran into a coworker at my current job, a coworker from a previous job, my old roomie L, and one of my fellow Cookie Party contestants and her adorable family (actually, I just noticed that one of the photos you can see on the buffet next to the red bookshelf is from her wedding.) Who knew that a trip to target could be so eventful??

There is still work to be done at the apartment and some things I would like to organize a little better.  But having things neat actually keeps me calm and makes my mind feel clearer.  When the apartment is messy, I can actually FEEL my stress level shoot way up.

A place for everything and everything in its place.....  anyone else feel that same way?

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Looking ahead - 2013

It's that time of year where we all take stock of the past year.  Reminisce about the good times and resolve to improve ourselves and the world around us in 2013.

I want to do that -- to join in the stock-taking and resolution-making I see and read about everyone around me doing.  So much.

But the past few weeks to the past month have been really hard.  My health has been off.  Way off.  I wish it was something easily fixed or quickly remedied, but that doesn't seem to be the case for now.  Some days are fine.  Some days - like many I have had this week - are far from fine.

Getting back into the swing of things at work only makes me feel worse about everything right now -- so many projects going on for me and no margin for error or any slip ups.  Which is fine, I am sure I can find the strength to get through it and handle it all.  But I just don't want to.  I want to bury my head in the sand at work and just hide.  Ignore emails.  Hope that people forget about things.  Because I am just not connected to my work right now.  AT ALL.  Which, in many ways, is worse than being stressed out or overwhelmed.  I just don't care about it all that much anymore.  I wish I could hit the lottery and not have to come back.  Not in the "take this job and shove it!!" kind of way.  But because I just feel so.....lost.  Not sure of what I am doing or what I should be doing.  Unhappy in my day in and day out.

Some days I feel so very alone in how I am feeling, although I am sure there must be other people out there that feel or have felt the same way.  I hope things get better or at least turn a corner for me, both personally and professionally.  But that just feels so far away right now.

Right now, about all I can do, is try as best I can to take each day as it comes and just hope to do my best.  And hoping like heck I can find better days ahead for myself in 2013.  

Christmas Recap

Before I dive into a Christmas recap, I would be a weenie if I didn't state right now that I have totally SUCKED at blogging towards the end of this year.  I found myself in a personal and professional funk that seemed to suck any joy or creativity out of me.  I am hoping that dark cloud will move on outta here in 2013 and I can get back to writing a bit more regularly.

I am sure I will post something next week about resolutions for the new year, but one I wanted to commit myself to and start today is trying to start each day with a grateful heart.  Most some days I may not have much control over all the twists and turns the day may take, but I can resolve to start each day by waking up and spending a few moments being grateful for all the good things I have in my life. 

So on that note, I am very grateful for being able to take a few days off from work to head up to PA and spend time with my family and MVP's family. A LOT less stressful than last year's start to the Christmas vacation with our flight to South Carolina getting cancelled, that's for sure.  We did not head up to PA until Monday, giving us a few days at home.  MVP was gone for work for about a month, so it was good to have him home.  But also an adjustment -- no more solo control of the remote control!

I was dead set on a specific gift for MVP this year....but with all the craziness with work and other obligations lately, of course I let it get down to the wire, and could not get the gift anywhere close to DC.  In fact, I had to go up to Towson, MD (north of Baltimore, in case you aren't familiar) to get it for him.  And those that know me know I HATE driving, so.....MVP went with me to pick it up.  Given that, I figured why bother to sneak around and get it, take it home and wrap it up.  Might as well just let him go into the store with me to pick it up.

MVP was pretty stoked about his new toy.  I was also very excited, because it meant I could get MY iPad back from him :)  When we got home his other gifts had arrived (can I tell you how much I LOVE Zappos and their overnight shipping?!?)  so I just let him open the box himself.  Saved me the trouble of wrapping anything!

MVP was up early the next day to get the last of my gifts together.  They both blew me away...mostly because he put so much thought into them.  The first is something I have wanted for....probably forever.  But not something you might just go out and buy for yourself.

 I don't even know if it is going to fit on the counter in our tiny apartment kitchen, but I am just so excited about it.  What should I bake first?!?!  Hopefully this ensures a win at next year's Cookie Competition (sadly, I had to give up the trophy this year, no repeat winning performance)

 Sitting on top of the mixer box was a little toy Rudolph.  I didn't really pay him much attention until MVP pointed out that Rudy was sporting some earrings.

I was nervous to put them on, they were so pretty and sparkly.  I still can't believe he got them for me, I don't know what I did to deserve them (or him, for that matter) but I know I am a very fortunate girl. 

The drive up to PA was a pretty easy one, thank goodness.  We made a quick stop at the new Costco in DC. Side note....it's probably the BEST Costco I have ever been in....and I have been to my fair share of Costcos!  Aside from being ginormous and brand new, the DC Costco sells liquor -- a Christmas miracle!!  We also picked up some pies and cakes to take with us.  We had a great time in PA visiting with both of our families and eating WAY TOO MUCH good food.  We had Christmas Eve at MVP's sister's house, who is a few short weeks away from welcoming her first baby!  I think I was exhausted just THINKING about all she was running around doing for the holidays while being so pregnant.  Will be very exciting next year for them to have their first Christmas with their daughter.  I think MVP is getting excited about having a niece....he even picked out a cute little set from Taggies for the baby for Christmas. 

After a looooooooong drive home on Wednesday night, I woke Thursday morning feeling totally worn out from Christmas.  I was tired and achy and just felt plain worn out.  So I decided to work from home (my office was bound to be a ghost town anyway) and spent most of the day in my Christmas jammies. 

And I am pretty sure I will be putting them back on within 5 minutes of getting home later tonight.

I hope you all were able to spend time with friends and family and enjoy time together.  What were some of your favorite Christmas gifts or memories made?  As corny as it is, my favorite thing was having MVP back home and getting to spend so much time with him after he had been away for so long.  While I did enjoy getting to eat popcorn for dinner and watch TLC's Cheer Perfection without being made fun of,  the apartment was starting to get a little lonely :)

WILW -- Giving Thanks on a Difficult Thanksgiving

Trying to get back to blogging by linking up for What I'm Loving Wednesday.  This may not be a typical WILW kind of post, but it is what has been on my mind lately.

Recently, MVP and I made the trip up to NJ to help my Pop-Pop after Hurricane Sandy.  My mom had only told me that they didn't think things were too bad, that nothing inside the house had been floating (from the info they could get from neighbors; Pop-Pop had evacuated before Sandy hit), and that others were much worse off.

I wanted to get up there to help.  My mother told me there was no need and that they had things well under control.  But there was just something inside that told me I needed to.  I bailed on an event I was scheduled to be at, and instead MVP and I made our way north.

I was not really prepared for what I saw as we finally drove into his neighborhood.  Houses with boats crashed into the side of them.  Walls of homes caving in, not able to stand after all that water.  Entire contents of homes sitting on the curb, everything ruined.

My mom was correct in that my Pop-Pop's house was not as bad as others....but it was far from just needing a little cleaning up.  You entered the house by climbing up a tiny step-stool.  That's because the front porch and steps had floated away, and were resting in from of another house  farther down the street.  All the floors in the house would need to be ripped up and replaced.  Additionally, contractors would need to cut up and into the walls about 2 feet high, to account for how high the water had risen inside the house.   

It was especially difficult because my parents didn't quite seem to fully grasp how serious the situation was.  They were shuffling around as if they just needed to pack up a few things.  In reality, everything needed to be removed from the house, and about 80% of it was now considered trash.

After that first day, we had made some good progress, but there was still a lot to be done.  My brother and sister-in-law met us there early on Sunday and we continued to clear out the house.  We had finally removed everything that was not able to be saved, and it sat there in front of the house.  Close your eyes for a moment and picture your house...the rooms full of furniture...a kitchen with a fridge and a dishwasher...a laundry room with a washer and dryer...cabinets full of food....shelves of books and family photos....

Now picture it all sitting in the front of your house to be picked up as trash.

We were able to save a few boxes of things, but had run out of room in cars to transport it back to PA.  So on Monday, MVP and I got up early and rented a van.  We drove back to NJ, loaded the last of the boxes, and were set to take them back to PA, to store in my brother's basement.

My Pop-Pop mentioned some boxes of family photos out in one of the storage sheds.  My brother had been out in that shed the day before trying to rescue the doll house my Pop-Pop had built for me when I was a little girl.  The shed was a total wreck, with mud and water everywhere.  He had even come across a few crabs scuttling around in there.  Pop-Pop figured the photos and albums were likely all lost now, and I saw a look on his face....even now just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

I went back to the shed and called for MVP to help.  We managed to pull out 5 boxes of photos and albums.  Some fairly dry because they had been higher up.  Some waterlogged and damp because they had been closer to the bottom.  But we loaded them all into the van.  I wanted to save any of them if I could.  So much stuff was already sitting out on the curb, waiting to be picked up and disposed of.  These pictures...well, I couldn't bring myself to leave them there as trash.

MVP and I unloaded the van in PA, returned it to the rental place and headed back to VA.  We finally got home at around 8 at night and unloaded everything.  And began to work on the photos.

Stupid Blogger rotated this photo

For days and days, we have had sheets spread out all over our apartment, trying to dry the photos.  There were many we weren't able to save, but saving some was better than losing them all.

That's me in the green striped shirt!

MVP was incredible through all of it, working hard each day to save the photos.  I wasn't as much help, as I found myself often crying as I went through each box.  Pics of my Gram who I miss very much.  Pics of us spending summers at the shore house that I had helped to gut out a few days before.  It was just all too emotional for me.

But there were so many photos I had never seen.  Pics of my Pop Pop when he was in the Navy.  Snapshots of my Gram and Pop-Pop as a newly married couple and my mom as a little girl.  Photos of my brother and I as babies.  Cards we had sent my Gram when we were little that she saved.  Pictures of great-grandparents and relatives I had never met.

That's my Mom and Santa in 1955!

A whole family's history was laid out in photos and mementos on my floor.  My family.

And while I cried and felt sad, I also felt thankful.  Thankful that I was blessed with such loving and generous grandparents.  Grateful that they gave our family a little house in New Jersey to spend our summers at.  Happy that there were so many pictures of all those happy times.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving spending time with the people in your life that are important to you.  While I won't be able to be with my family up in PA, there will sure be a lot of pictures of them in my apartment to keep me company!

And if you think of it during this holiday season, go through some of the old photo albums and boxes of mementos you haven't looked at in awhile.   You never know what memories you might uncover.

You take the good....you take the bad...

I think I have realized that I have been avoiding this little blog o' mine because I don't really have tons of tremendously awesome and upbeat news and stories to share as of late.  I am still feeling, well, STUCK. 

But I think I may need to vent or release some of the stresses, worries and anxieties here.  Not because I want anyone to tell me "everything will get better!" or feel bad for me or anything like that.  More so simply because walking around with all of it is making me feel ever so heavy. 

So things may be a tad bit on the grey side here for a bit.  No need to read if that's not your thing. 

Hopefully will be back to blogging under sunny skies ahead in the near future. 

Hello there blog...I promise I haven't fogotten you

It has been quite some time since I have posted here.  Since I have written something other than work emails or PowerPoint presentations or a rent check. 

I feel like there has been a lot going on while at the same time nothing has been happening.  Does that even make any sense?

Somedays I feel like I am making progress at work.  I wake up early and workout and put on a nice outift.  I come home at the end of the day and make a good dinner, maybe do some laundry and go to bed at a decent hour.  I feel like I have a handle on things.

And then....I can wake up the next day and feel completely unsure of everything again.  Stressed at work by things that hadn't bothered me in the least the day before.   Too tired to get up early to work out.  Uncomfortable in my clothes and feeling like a rag-a-muffin.  Underwhelmed, uninspired, and unmotivated. 

Stuck.

I've been feeling a lot of "stuck" lately.  Somedays it's stuck in my job.  Others, its stuck in DC.  And still other days I just feel stuck in old thoughts and worries. 

I have missed writing here..but then when I try to think of something to write about, I feel....you guessed it

STUCK

 

I just haven't felt totally like myself lately.   At least not for more than a few days at a time.  Maybe it's a 1/3 life crisis?  Changing of the seasons?  Not really sure.  

 

A Stroll Down Memory Lane - Expressing Gratitude

I have been having a bit of a tough time lately...am hoping that it will pass just as quickly as (I feel) it came.  But this tough time is also an opportunity for me to hold on a little tighter to the things I have that are important to me and to express how grateful I am for them.  So that's what this (fairly long...) post is about.  Expressing gratitude for those things in my life right now that don't suck :)

Many years ago I made a choice.  It was a very big deal to me at the time.  I had no idea the impact it would have on my life. I was (then) a sophomore in college. I never saw myself “going Greek.”   I had been through a whole year away at a big school, away from home, family and high school friends, and I had done just fine.  Done well, really.  Made new friends, found my way around campus, excelled in my classes.

But something was missing.  

I made the choice in the fall of my second year at college to join a sorority.  Despite some of the flak I have caught for it over the years, even some of it for my continued involvement with my organization post-college, I feel so good about that decision I made so many years ago for so many reasons.  

To this day, I vividly remember the experience of going through sorority recruitment.  Meeting so many young women in such a short amount of time, my face sore from smiling, bored of saying the same things about myself over and over again.  I knew from almost the get go the place I wanted to end up at...and I truly lucked out and got a bid to that very chapter.  On my Bid Day, I remember running towards my new “home away from home” with so much excitement, trepidation, anticipation and awe.  I knew my life was changing that day.  I had no idea then how profound that change would be.

I made the most of my undergraduate years -- in every way I possibly could.  I met wonderful people, I took interesting classes, I tested my limits, I HAD FUN, I learned who I was (going to be) and what I was capable of.  And a big piece of that, was my sorority membership.

Through experiences I had within my sorority and as part of involvement in a campus organization, I began to think higher education administration may be my calling.  On not much more than a whim, I submitted an application to be an educational consultant for my national sorority.

I was honestly shocked that they selected me for an interview.  I thought if nothing else, I would get to see our headquarters and have a good story to tell.  I truly never thought they would pick me.

But they did.  They wanted me to go on the road the year after I graduated and assist our collegiate chapters. I think the day I got that call was one of the happiest I have ever had. I still have the pic someone snapped of me taking that phone call where I got the happy news.  I really can’t describe in words the sheer joy on my face.  But I can remember the feeling; sometimes, I feel it like it was yesterday.

I spent the year in between undergrad and my first year of grad school working for my national organization, travelling around the country visiting collegiate chapters and helping them with everything under the sun.  Leadership, scholarship, membership....you name it.  I went to New England, the Northwest and everywhere in between.  I also got the unique and wonderful experience of helping to re-open a closed chapter.  To this day, it is one of my favorite experiences of my life, and a small space in the middle of the Midwest will forever have a special place in my heart because of it.

I look back on that year now with almost a disconnect.  I am in awe and barely remember the young girl who did all that.  Did it all in an era before wifi, cell phones and facebook.  I know it was me...but damn, I get tired just thinking about it all.  Still cannot believe how much I managed to cram into that short year.  To this day, I wish I had taken more pictures.

After that year, I entered a graduate program for something other than higher education.  Just what I felt was best for me at the time. And, in turn, took a bit of a sorority hiatus. I was focused on my coursework, and, after that, finding a job and getting my “grown up” life established.

And years passed with no involvement with my sorority.  It wasn’t intentional...it was just...life.

I spent many years “climbing the ladder”; working my tail off trying to advance myself, pushing for better, bigger and more.  The work I took on was increasingly high pressure and intense.

As if someone up above knew I needed it, a few years ago the opportunity arose for me to volunteer as an advisor to my collegiate chapter.  I was a little hesitant, but knew I should do it.  So glad I accepted the offer and can’t picture my life today without it.

Now I have some years under my belt after getting back into the swing of things. Many years since I criss-crossed the country as a consultant with unbridled enthusiasm.  More years than I would care to admit since that bid card fell into my hands and changed my life forever.  

And I am me.  A better me than I ever could have been without this experience.

I have my sisters from college who made my undergraduate years worthy of reminiscing over and these are the ladies that have grown up with me.  We’ve been together over many years, through boyfriends, jobs, weddings, cross country moves, babies, and more. These women have known me and supported me for nearly half my life.  I cannot imagine my life without them or their families.

I have sisters I consulted with.  We had our own sorority within a sorority and I feel forever grateful that I got to be a part of it.  I can email with these women like I was just sitting with them yesterday.  We developed a bond that was based on our shared sisterhood and grew into so much more.  They taught me what it meant to be a part of the “bigger picture” and I am proud and thrilled of all they have accomplished in the years since we travelled.

I have the sisters I was always meant to have.  That’s how I like to think of the women from my organization that I have met as an adult.  They are....no words.  Many days, they keep me from crying at my desk.  They can always be counted on for a laugh or some neded words of encouragement.  I have no doubt that God knew I needed them in my life and that’s why they are there now.  We are all so different, yet so complimentary of one another.  

I am blessed beyond words.  

I still get my fair amount of teasing and questions about why a grown women is spending so much of her free time helping out some sorority girls.

To me, it’s pretty simple really.  To those whom much is given, much is expected.

I got more than I ever thought I would when I signed that bid card years and years and years ago.  Trying to give back and help others realize their potential and the value of their own membership is just the right thing to do, to show my appreciation for all I have been given as a part of my own membership.