As promised! I was trying to think all morning of what story “note” I should start this out on…and then I got into the office and all hell was breaking loose and I haven’t had a moment of peace again until now. HR had to step in and give my assistant temp a little “talking to” so now she has done a complete 180 from being a useless bump on a log to being scared shitless and completely up my ass. Not sure this change is a good thing.
So anyway….let’s set the bar a medium-to-low for this posting and I will aim higher in the weeks to come. I will never use real names and even the initials used in lieu of their name may be made up. However, some of you reading this may be able to figure it out on their own, so you all can go ahead and pat yourselves on the back, you clever bunch, you!
I had gone on a few dates with “F” and things seemed pretty ok. Similar sense of humor (one of the most important things for me), Naval Academy Grad, good job, good head on his shoulders, tall AND Irish (he should have been put in a museum for that rare combination alone.) One night he met me and some friends out at a bar and I ended up going back to his apt with him. Minds out of the gutter all…I slept on the couch. But the next day was actually pretty fun – a lazy Sunday of watching movies on TV.
As it was starting to get later in the afternoon, I politely dropped enough hints that he eventually offered to drive me home. We walked out to his SUV and he even opens the door for me. As a side note, isn’t it so freaking sad that we now swoon over a guy that opens a car door for you when that used to be something everyone called just having good manners? Anyways, I hop into the car and notice something weird near the console. I am also the least tech/gadget savvy person alive (seriously, my roommate usually has to program the DVR for me, I am that pathetic) so I figure it must be something for an ipod/phone/GPS/etc.
“F” finally gets around to the drivers side and gets in. Then acting as if this is how it works for everyone, picks up said “weird thing”, brings it up to his lips and blows into it. That’s right…he has a breathalyzer on his car. I mean, how
is one to respond to that?? Those reading this that know me would not be surprised to learn that I could not contain my look of “WTF?!?” because outside of the actual game of poker, I have no poker face. Yes, this is just like that scene of “40 Year Old Virgin” only thankfully he was sober and didn’t need me to blow into the breathalyzer for him.
Now, I can’t say that I know exactly how he should have broached this subject because unlike him I have never decided to go drive a car after a night of heavy drinking. Let alone do it multiple times b/c doesn’t this need to be a repeated problem before they slap one of these devices on your car??? He sort of shrugged it off like it was some cool feature on newer car models or something. I don’t know if I was more off-put by his inability to let me know about this before we got in the car or his blasé attitude in explaining it when I asked “Um….so what’s up with that?”, but needles to say that was the last time I decided to see “F.”
This week's Tale from the Trenches has been brought to you by the letter “F” for Felon.